Everything Everywhere All at Once

This is not a review YES Release date: March 25, 2022Director: Daniel Kwan, Daniel ScheinertLanguage: Mandarin, Cantonese, English Who should watch this movie: Adult children of Asian immigrant parents. Those same children, but specifically the ones in therapy. When should you watch this movie: Honestly, there’s no good time for a break down, so just

Licorice Pizza

PTA is arthouse for normies NO Release date: November 26, 2021Director: Paul Thomas AndersonLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Soft boys who watch Die Hard at Christmas. The only one in the friend group excited for the Top Gun reboot.  When should you watch this movie: When you just got your septum pierced and

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust / 吸血鬼ハンターD ブラッドラスト

It’s like if the garbage disposal miraculously produced a delicious smoothie YES Release date: April 21, 2001Director: Yoshiaki KawajiriLanguage: Japanese Who should watch this movie: Folks who want to like Akira but don’t. Closet weebs.  When should you watch this movie: When it’s your turn to pick a movie for movie-night and you know your

Encanto

Y’all knew this one was coming YES Release date: November 24, 2021Director: Jared Bush, Byron HowardLanguage: English, Spanish Who should watch this movie: Eldest daughters. People who love spending time with their family but not for more than 3 or 4 days at a time.  When should you watch this movie: On a sunny Sunday

81⁄2

I genuinely don’t know what to make of this, so this is just a rant.  MAYBE???? Release date: February 14, 1963Director: Federico FelliniLanguage: Italian Who should watch this movie: Everyone or no one.  When should you watch this movie: Frankly, whenever.  The sell: Being told a movie is genius before you see it has the

Imagine Me and You

I have it on good authority that Lena Headey is still experiencing back pain from carrying this movie on her shoulders YES Release date: September 9, 2005Director: Ol ParkerLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Lesbians who came out in their mid-late twenties. Kiddos still in the closet who are looking for a confidence boost

Free Fall / Freier Fall

“Gay German policemen” sounds fun but trust me, it’s not MAYBE Release date: May 23, 2013Director: Stephan LacantLanguage: German Who should watch this movie: Queers with daddy issues. Folks with one or more AO3 tabs open on their browser right now.  When should you watch this movie: When you’re heart is broken and you want

Shiva Baby

I love this movie but it is not good for my blood pressure YES Release date: April 2, 2021Director: Emma SeligmanLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Jews in their 20s. People with diagnosed anxiety disorders.  When should you watch this movie: When you’re taking a break from looking at grad schools.  The sell: I

Ocean’s Eleven

The worlds seems to have forgotten Don Cheadle’s accent in this movie, but not me. I have not forgotten.  YES Release date: December 7, 2001Director: Steven SoderberghLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: The lost and the lonely. Folks who were lukewarm about Knives Out.  When should you watch this movie: When you haven’t felt

Romancing the Stone

This review is written for my dear friend Aleks who alleges that Romancing the Stone is “the best film ever made.” I love you Aleks, even though you’re wrong.  NO Release date: March 30, 1984Director: Robert ZemeckisLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: My friend Aleks. Suburban moms in their 50s.  When should you watch