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Cats (1998)

I’m about to lose all credibility MAYBE Release date: October 5, 1998Director: David MalletLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: The Broadway obsessed. 90s kids. Folks who’ve read the T.S. Elliot poems. When should you watch this movie: When you enroll in a free trial for a dance class. When you’ve just seen the TomContinue reading “Cats (1998)”

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The Prince of Egypt

Why did they let us watch this in elementary school?? YES Release date: December 16, 1998Director: Brenda Chapman, Steve Hickner, Simon WellsLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Curious gentiles. Jews in their 20s. Musical enthusiasts. When should you watch this movie: During Passover, when you can’t go home for seder. The sell: The PrinceContinue reading “The Prince of Egypt”

The Rider

*Orville Peck has entered the chat* YES Release date: May 20, 2017Director: Chloé ZhaoLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Cowboys. Aspiring cowboys (of any gender). Folks who had never heard of Chloé Zhao until Nomadland got nominated for a Golden Globe.  When should you watch this movie: When you’re in a period of transition.Continue reading “The Rider”

Nashville

Everything you need to know about America and more YES Release date: June 11, 1975Director: Robert AltmanLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who “don’t like country music,” but love Dolly Parton and secretly listen to Golden Hour in the car. Anthropologists researching American iconography.  When should you watch this movie: During awards season.Continue reading “Nashville”

Surf’s Up

Stop trying to monetize your hobbies YES Release date: June 8, 2007Director: Ash Brannon, Chris BuckLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Fans of 7 Days in Hell. Fans of Waterlogged (1962). When should you watch this movie: When summer feels really far away. When you desperately need a boost of serotonin. The sell: AnimatedContinue reading “Surf’s Up”

The Dead Don’t Die

Get ready to jump on the Adam Driver stan-wagon YES Release date: June 14, 2019Director: Jim JarmuschLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: Screenwriters. Pessimists. When should you watch this movie: Halloween. When you’re overcome with a sense of impending doom. The sell: At this stage, it’s hard to make an original zombie movie. It’sContinue reading “The Dead Don’t Die”

Wonder Woman 1984

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse… NO Release date: December 25, 2020Directory: Patty JenkinsLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who “just can’t wrap their heads around all these new pronouns.” People who did too much coke in the 80s to remember what it was actually like.  When should you watchContinue reading “Wonder Woman 1984”

Bridget Jones’s Diary

This is about to be a long feminist rant about Bridget Jones’s Diary, so if that’s not your jam, go read a different review NO Release date: April 13, 2001Director: Sharon Maguire Language: English Who should watch this movie: People who actually enjoy Katherine Heigl’s filmography. Folks who do a yearly re-watch of the BBCContinue reading “Bridget Jones’s Diary”

Your Name Engraved Herein / 刻在你心底的名字

This one hurt 😦 YES Release date: December 23, 2020Director: Patrick Kuang-Hui LiuLanguage: Mandarin Who should watch this movie: Senior gays. Folks who went to a military school, or boarding school.  When should you watch this movie: When you have a strange dream about your first love.  The sell: Nothing is more beautiful than youngContinue reading “Your Name Engraved Herein / 刻在你心底的名字”

The Great Wall

What the hell happened here NO Release date: December 6, 2016Director: Zhang Yimou Language: English, Mandarin Who should watch this movie: People who watch bad movies for fun. When should you watch this movie: When you need some background noise in your empty apartment. After watching Velocipastor and before watching Trolls 2.  The sell: YouContinue reading “The Great Wall”