Pacific Rim

“Badass” is an under-scrutinized axis of serious film critique YES Release date: July 12, 2013Director: Guillermo Del ToroLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who love giant robots and hate Michael Bay. When should you watch this movie: When you’re avoiding texts from your friends for no good reason. While also watching the olympics.Continue reading “Pacific Rim”

Wonder Woman 1984

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse… NO Release date: December 25, 2020Directory: Patty JenkinsLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who “just can’t wrap their heads around all these new pronouns.” People who did too much coke in the 80s to remember what it was actually like.  When should you watchContinue reading “Wonder Woman 1984”

The Great Wall

What the hell happened here NO Release date: December 6, 2016Director: Zhang Yimou Language: English, Mandarin Who should watch this movie: People who watch bad movies for fun. When should you watch this movie: When you need some background noise in your empty apartment. After watching Velocipastor and before watching Trolls 2.  The sell: YouContinue reading “The Great Wall”

Space Sweepers

All Korean people are hot. Idk why, it’s just true. YES Release date: February 5, 2021Director: Jo Sung-heeLanguage: Korean Who should watch this movie: Sci-fi fans who are lukewarm about Fifth Element. Folks who haven’t recovered from Star Wars: Episode VIII When should you watch this movie: When you want to watch something fun, butContinue reading “Space Sweepers”

John Wick: Chapter 2

I think I’m missing something? MAYBE Release date: February 10, 2017Director: Chad StahelskiLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: People who liked the first John Wick movie. Folks with a lot of anger they want to excise vicariously through Keanu Reeves.  When should you watch this movie: When you’re feeling blasé about action movies.  TheContinue reading “John Wick: Chapter 2”

The Twilight Samurai / たそがれ清兵衛

No, Kurosawa did not direct this film YES Release date: November 2, 2002Director: Yoji YamadaLanguage: Japanese Who should watch this movie: Fans of Seven Samurai. Folks interested in kendo. Former Fencers. When should you watch this movie: When you need a hero to root for. When you’ve seen enough period dramas starring Kiera Knightley. TheContinue reading “The Twilight Samurai / たそがれ清兵衛”

Apocalypto

Martin Scorsese really loves this movie NO Release date: December 8, 2006Director: Mel GibsonLanguage: Yucatec Mayan Who should watch this movie: People who liked Braveheart. People who see themselves as the hero in any situation.  When should you watch this movie: When you’ve already seen all the Mission Impossible movies.  The sell: Mel Brooks isContinue reading “Apocalypto”

Snowpiercer / 설국열차;

Let’s blame it all on Kelly Masterson NO Release date: August 1, 2013Director: Bong Joon-hoLanguage: English, Korean Who should watch this movie: Cynics.  When should you watch this movie: When you’re ready to give up. When you’re curious about the TV show and want to see the source material.  The sell: It’s hard to sayContinue reading “Snowpiercer / 설국열차;”

The Old Guard

Charlize Theron can step on me YES Release date: July 10, 2020Director: Gina Prince-Bythewood Language: English Who should watch this movie: Fans of Mad Max. Comic book readers. Folks who love a franchise When should you watch this movie: When the world is in flames around you and you need to watch Charlize Theron killContinue reading “The Old Guard”

Mr. and Mrs. Smith

HOT HOT HOT Maybe Release date: June 10, 2005Director: Doug LimanLanguage: English Who should watch this movie: 13 years olds. Folks who know the cultural significance of the Brad-Jennifer split brought on by THIS MOVIE.  When should you watch this movie: When you need to turn your brain off and your loins on The sell:Continue reading “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”